All In Good Will
by Shyma Tavrott Lupin
Summary: “Hey...Moony? Could you...erm...stay a bit more? Just a bit...if you want”"Something you want to talk about Sirius?" Sirius just nodded. Sirius and Remus sit down and have an honest talk about what's happened in the past 13 years. Non-slash


**Hey guys, just another one-shot about Remus and Sirius, except this time they have and honest talk about recent events. Enjoy! **

Remus Lupin grabbed his coat as he approached the door of Number 12 Grimauld Place. As did almost 12 other people. Yet another Order meeting had come to a close and it was pretty damn late. Almost everyone seemed to run out of there to go home. Remus heard Tonks knock something over someplace ahead of him and smiled. But as Tonks(the last person to leave) closed the door behind her, Sirius walked up behind Remus.

"Hey...Moony?"

Remus turned to face his friend.

"Could you...erm...stay a bit more? Just a bit...if you want" Sirius muttered quietly.

Remus inwardly frowned, something was bothering his old friend. His eyes where a dead giveaway. Nevertheless he smiled "Of course Sirius." He returned his coat to the coat rack and followed Sirius into the kitchen. He seated himself at the small table in the corner of the kitchen, while Sirius walked over to the counter "You want some coffee? I know it's like 2 in the morning."

"Sure" Remus shrugged, then narrowed his eyes "Sirius, is there something you'd like to talk about?"

"Hm?" Sirius suddenly gave up on trying to manually make the coffee, and just tapped his wand against the rims of two mugs. When steaming hot coffee appeared in each, Sirius grabbed them and brought them over to the table and sat down across from Remus. He slid a mug over to his friend and began "I don't know Remus...I just...it's so hard. I mean now that I'm finally out of that damned hell Azkaban I feel like I'm supposed to pick up life where I left off, with you Lily, James, Harry and all. But every minute or so it hits me and I remember, they're gone, they're dead. It's been 13 years and half the people I'm supposed to pick up my life with are dead!"

"It's hard. I know" Remus offered.

"Moony, have you ever felt so miserable inside that you feel like it's too much to release in any physical way? So miserable that you wish every moment alive would just be your last already? Like...like you have nothing to fight for anymore so your life should just end right there?" Sirius narrowed his eyes.

"Every day for the past 13 years, Padfoot" Remus said with a bittersweet smile as he took a sip of his coffee.

"Oh..." Sirius wasn't expecting that. He was expecting something like 'No but I've been close.' But that completely blew Sirius away. Was that really how he felt for 13 whole years?

"Yes that is how I felt for 13 whole years if that's what you're wondering" Remus raised a brow.

Sirius looked down "I suppose I'm to blame for that..."

"Somewhat..." Remus muttered.

An eternity of silence came over the two friends before Sirius decided to speak up.

"Remus?"

Remus looked up at him.

"Did you really think that I betrayed Lily and James, and then killed Peter?" Sirius asked, trying to hide the hurt tone in his voice.

​ "At first no" Remus sighed "The first thing I did when I heard was storm over to Dumbeldore's office and scream at him for about a good half an hour that you couldn't have done something like that, and you just had to be innocent. I screamed myself hoarse at him. And he just listened. When I stopped he told me to go home and get some sleep-which by the way was a disgrace as an idea because my sleep would be plagued with nightmares for the next 13 years. After about 10 years of digging and trying to find something...anything that would prove your innocence, and failing, I began to doubt myself. Over the past 3 years that doubt settled in...but I never really believed you did it in faithfulness to Voldemort. I always knew there was something else there."

"Thanks...." Sirius whispered fingering the edge of his mug "Dumbeldore said you had to take a lot of crap after I was thrown into Azkaban."

Remus let out a dry laugh "The daily prophet never sleeps. I mean you try explaining how in the span of 24 hours 3 of your friends are killed and the other is thrown into Azkaban and you're not involved. Not an easy job when you aren't involved and are as a matter of fact completely oblivious to what was happening before these certain incidents."

Sirius looked down.

"I believe the stupidest thing they did was name me a death eater accomplice for about a month or two. But they lost interest eventually" Remus shrugged.

"You don't know how...how much I regret being the reason for all that. I never really thought about how it would affect you...I just-"

"It's alright Sirius, no point in dwelling on a past we can't change" Remus cut his friend off.

"I bet you hated me for a couple of years too" Sirius muttered.

"Well the first thing that popped into my head was 'I'm gonna kill Sirius' but no, I hated you for that split second that the thought was in my mind. After that I was too busy trying to find something to get you out of Azkaban" Remus chuckled.

"I have no idea how you can be so calm about all this. Damn it, I'm sitting here dying of the sheer guilt and here _you_ are talking about all this so casually" Sirius said a bit louder than he had intended.

"Sirius..." Remus sighed "After about a decade about crying and screaming about the past it become casual. After a decade of people either giving you a dirty look or telling you they're sorry for your loss, it gets old. Like you said, after all this time you just want to die and get it over with because there isn't anything worth fighting for anymore."

"I feel miserable right now" Sirius groaned.

Remus fished something out of his pocket "Chocolate?'

Sirius just had to crack up to that "Sure."

Remus broke off half his enormous chocolate bar and handed it to Sirius, who immediately shoved a chunk into his mouth. A content look came over his face, and once his mouth was empty enough to talk, he turned to Remus "This is good, what is this, a new Honeydukes brand or something?"

Remus shook his head "It's an old brand, theres only one place that sells it around here anymore. Harry took quite a liking to it when I gave it to him after his dementor attack. It was James' favorite."

Sirius looked down again.

Remus allowed him his silence.

"Listen, Remus....I...I was never able to attend the funeral....and I-"

"Yes, we can go. I'll take you to the memorial tomorrow morning" Remus smiled.

"Thanks...I guess I'm gonna have to be in Snuffles mode when we go?"

Remus nodded.

"You know, you wouldn't believe how relieved I was when I realized you hadn't told them I was an animagus. It made life so much easier for me" Sirius nodded.

"Eh, I figured you'd break out someday. It would've been helpful. And I was trying to get you out of Azkaban, not thrown back in" Remus chuckled

"Yeah..." Sirius smiled as well.

"Well, it's late. If we're going to go tomorrow morning we'd both better get some rest" Remus said standing up.

"Wait, since you're already here, why don't you just stay the night? We'll conjure up another bed in my room so you won't have to live through the torture of staying in Regulus's room" Sirius smirked.

"Sure" Remus smiled.

And with that the two started out of the kitchen.

"Oi, you know what just popped into my head Moony?"

"What? (Why do I get the feeling I'm not going to like this?)"

"The image of us at the memorial, except I'm in Snuffles mode and some guy will walk by us and see you talking to your dog and shake their head sadly for the poor war heroes of the past that have lost it completely."

"......."

"Ow, that hurt!"

**_~Fin_**

**Soooo, what'd ya think? I absolutely love Remus Sirius friendship fics and there arent enough of them on fanfiction(damn slash writers...) so yeah =] Oh and if you liked this then you'd definately like the companion piece to this, Brother of Mine =]**

**Review!!!**


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